im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
zippers are such a cool invention
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
