Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
