How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
