Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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