My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
