so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
