White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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