We named our party play list daddy issues
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
