I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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