Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
