It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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