I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
