I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
