My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
