you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
