goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
