So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
