I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
