so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
