I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
