but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
