so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mom said you looked used
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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