it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
