Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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