sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
