why didn't you poke me back
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
