if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
