3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
