you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
