its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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