Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
