i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
