i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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