i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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