My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
