please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
