I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
