i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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