No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
