Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
