Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
