I wannas sexs uuuuu
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
