Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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