I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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