i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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