can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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