Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
