I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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