Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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