You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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