Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
