Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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