You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
