So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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