dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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