I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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