Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
that is very illegal...i love you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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