I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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