smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
