Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to calm my uterus...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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