I'm lost and stupid without you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
