i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
