I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
