She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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