Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
