I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
