opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We are all done wearing pants today
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
