wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
